This post is not going to be about how women get paid less, are undervalued, aren't taken as seriously, etc. This post is about looking at a particular experience that only a woman can experience and, I guarantee you, no woman wants to go through. Yes I'm talking about the 'A' word: Abortion. This topic makes people's blood boil. It makes people yell, scream, and treat other people like they are the worst person they've met. Yet, it keeps coming up. Why? Because it's complex, it's complicated, and it's important.
People talk about abortion as right vs wrong, and rarely about the actual human experience it takes to get to that point. To help people really think about this experience, I want to discuss two particular points that I don't often see discussed. The first point is that it takes more than just a 'bad decision' to get to this point and absolutely no woman wants to be in this situation. The second point is that the more you invest in pregnancy prevention, i.e. birth control and the facilities that disperse those (PLANNED PARENTHOOD), less abortions will occur.
Let's talk about the first point by using a common experience. Imagine you're 17 again, and if you're male, I'm going to try to explain what it feels like to be a 17 year-old female. There are some universal truths and emotions that most women experience and contribute to their sexual development. Some of these are guilt, shame, confusion, responding to society suddenly noticing or judging your sexuality, hormones, and trying to become an independent person. This is a lot for anyone to handle, but when you're young, inexperienced, and trying to adjust to all of this, it is hard to see through all the fog. Girls may become sexually involved just by feeling overwhelmed and trying to fulfill the many roles they are trying to be at once. For instance, the pressure to stay 'pure' but still feminine and sexual is a common experience that can create emotional distress. There's also other factors like the fact that your parents want you to know nothing about sex or the normal hormonal experiences that every teenager goes through. Or, that your body feels different and there are things happening that you have little experience trying to control. Or, that you're being judged on clothes you wear, your attitude, etc that puts you in a certain sexual category by your peers, whether it's accurate or not.
All of these factors not only impact women's decision whether or not to have sex, but also how well they're prepared for the consequences of sex. It's a common experience for teenagers to feel so overwhelmed by the many directions they are being pulled, that they may end up making an impulsive decision, which often means sex. At the end of day, a lot of teenagers are having sex and are having 'uneducated' sex. and society has not properly prepared people for this important life experience.
If you're lucky, you don't end up with the worst possible outcome, becoming pregnant. If, however, you're faced with the unfortunate outcome of pregnancy, your role as woman is suddenly boiled down to two categories; one who has an abortion or one who doesn't. If you choose to continue the pregnancy, you risk raising a child with limited resources, limited opportunities, and with a lot of emotional stress. If, however, you decide to exercise your legal right to terminate the pregnancy in order to invest in yourself and plan accordingly for raising a child, you're labeled as evil, selfish, and 'unchristian.' Either way, it is not an easy decision and it is one that men and some women have no idea what it's like to make, yet, they want to tell you why you made the wrong decision. Even though many young teenagers make the same decision to have 'unsafe' (or uneducated) sex, it seems society only 'punishes' the ones who become pregnant and it is the girl who has to experience the gut-wrenching, emotionally charged, awful experience of going through that process.
That finally brings me to the second point, people need access to proper sexual education and birth control. Unintended pregnancy is something that happens way too often when it is easily preventable. If, however, we really invested in both sexual education and women's health centers, it would ACTUALLY prevent more people from having to experience the trauma of becoming pregnant and not knowing what to do. This means supporting government funding for women's health centers. It means supporting health care initiatives to provide free birth control. It means allowing schools to provide proper and thorough sexual health education. It means accepting that you can't control everyone's behavior, but you can provide resources for people to make safe and healthy decisions.
I guarantee you that any young pregnant woman would want to go back and make a better choice, to either wait or become truly educated about effective birth control. But that's the thing, you can't go back. While there's a lot of people who get away with unprotected sex, some people don't and now their whole life is under scrutiny.
So, the next time you or someone you know portrays someone as 'evil' or 'selfish' for having an abortion, think about what they as a human being are experiencing. Think about how society has contributed to this pregnancy by the lack of education and resources. Think about if society labeled you as evil after an impulsive or uneducated decision you made when you were young. Think about the intense emotional stress a woman experiences just by being pregnant, but also knowing her decision will result in negative consequences either way. Then, maybe just then, people will know what it's like to be in 'her' shoes. Maybe then people won't be so quick to judge and dictate other people's lives.
No one can stop people from having sex, but by using support instead of hate, you can help people from becoming unintentionally pregnant, and thus, help prevent abortion.
People talk about abortion as right vs wrong, and rarely about the actual human experience it takes to get to that point. To help people really think about this experience, I want to discuss two particular points that I don't often see discussed. The first point is that it takes more than just a 'bad decision' to get to this point and absolutely no woman wants to be in this situation. The second point is that the more you invest in pregnancy prevention, i.e. birth control and the facilities that disperse those (PLANNED PARENTHOOD), less abortions will occur.
Let's talk about the first point by using a common experience. Imagine you're 17 again, and if you're male, I'm going to try to explain what it feels like to be a 17 year-old female. There are some universal truths and emotions that most women experience and contribute to their sexual development. Some of these are guilt, shame, confusion, responding to society suddenly noticing or judging your sexuality, hormones, and trying to become an independent person. This is a lot for anyone to handle, but when you're young, inexperienced, and trying to adjust to all of this, it is hard to see through all the fog. Girls may become sexually involved just by feeling overwhelmed and trying to fulfill the many roles they are trying to be at once. For instance, the pressure to stay 'pure' but still feminine and sexual is a common experience that can create emotional distress. There's also other factors like the fact that your parents want you to know nothing about sex or the normal hormonal experiences that every teenager goes through. Or, that your body feels different and there are things happening that you have little experience trying to control. Or, that you're being judged on clothes you wear, your attitude, etc that puts you in a certain sexual category by your peers, whether it's accurate or not.
All of these factors not only impact women's decision whether or not to have sex, but also how well they're prepared for the consequences of sex. It's a common experience for teenagers to feel so overwhelmed by the many directions they are being pulled, that they may end up making an impulsive decision, which often means sex. At the end of day, a lot of teenagers are having sex and are having 'uneducated' sex. and society has not properly prepared people for this important life experience.
If you're lucky, you don't end up with the worst possible outcome, becoming pregnant. If, however, you're faced with the unfortunate outcome of pregnancy, your role as woman is suddenly boiled down to two categories; one who has an abortion or one who doesn't. If you choose to continue the pregnancy, you risk raising a child with limited resources, limited opportunities, and with a lot of emotional stress. If, however, you decide to exercise your legal right to terminate the pregnancy in order to invest in yourself and plan accordingly for raising a child, you're labeled as evil, selfish, and 'unchristian.' Either way, it is not an easy decision and it is one that men and some women have no idea what it's like to make, yet, they want to tell you why you made the wrong decision. Even though many young teenagers make the same decision to have 'unsafe' (or uneducated) sex, it seems society only 'punishes' the ones who become pregnant and it is the girl who has to experience the gut-wrenching, emotionally charged, awful experience of going through that process.
That finally brings me to the second point, people need access to proper sexual education and birth control. Unintended pregnancy is something that happens way too often when it is easily preventable. If, however, we really invested in both sexual education and women's health centers, it would ACTUALLY prevent more people from having to experience the trauma of becoming pregnant and not knowing what to do. This means supporting government funding for women's health centers. It means supporting health care initiatives to provide free birth control. It means allowing schools to provide proper and thorough sexual health education. It means accepting that you can't control everyone's behavior, but you can provide resources for people to make safe and healthy decisions.
I guarantee you that any young pregnant woman would want to go back and make a better choice, to either wait or become truly educated about effective birth control. But that's the thing, you can't go back. While there's a lot of people who get away with unprotected sex, some people don't and now their whole life is under scrutiny.
So, the next time you or someone you know portrays someone as 'evil' or 'selfish' for having an abortion, think about what they as a human being are experiencing. Think about how society has contributed to this pregnancy by the lack of education and resources. Think about if society labeled you as evil after an impulsive or uneducated decision you made when you were young. Think about the intense emotional stress a woman experiences just by being pregnant, but also knowing her decision will result in negative consequences either way. Then, maybe just then, people will know what it's like to be in 'her' shoes. Maybe then people won't be so quick to judge and dictate other people's lives.
No one can stop people from having sex, but by using support instead of hate, you can help people from becoming unintentionally pregnant, and thus, help prevent abortion.
