If Only I Weren't a "Me Too"

#metoo  (Mom, this is one you may want to skip reading)

When I first saw this phrase surfacing I thought, "Wow, how brave of women to let EVERYONE know that something horrible has happened to them." Seriously, think about telling your mom, dad, aunts, uncles, co-workers, past friends....Everyone that you know that someone has sexually assaulted you. It's hard.

As I was pondering whether I could ever be this brave, I questioned whether I could even claim this or not. What went through my head is likely something that a lot of women thought as well, which is, "well, I'm not sure if I've ever been sexually assaulted, but there's definitely some uncool things that have happened." I don't want to necessarily claim being sexually assaulted for gray areas. For me, sometimes the phrase 'sexually assaulted' makes me think of being stopped in a dark alley and someone having their way with me, and not the everyday subtle events that likely happen to the majority of women.

But the more I thought about this topic and each of my gray areas, the more emotional I became and the more I couldn't stop thinking about it. When women talk about being sexually assaulted, people tend to question their decisions and it puts their romantic and social decisions under a microscope. So this is going to be hard for me. It's also going to be revealing and personal, but ultimately, I know a lot of women around me have been in very similar situations that I feel it's important to talk about some of these complexities of this topic.

So initially, if someone asked me the question, 'have you ever been sexually assaulted?' I would have said no. But after thinking about it recently, the answer is ultimately yes, and here's why. High school and college were kind of wild, and looking back, I was a little out of control. I drank a lot and went to parties. The drinking and partying itself put myself in a lot of situations where men just seemed to feel that they were allowed or entitled to do things, especially after I would obviously been unfit to make any decisions whatsoever. This is a particularly gray situation because, A, I made the decision to drink and party, and B, men also loose their inhibitions and decision making as they drink, and therefore, should they be held accountable for making poor decisions as well? Honestly, I think sometimes yes and sometimes no. There are, however, specific situations where the answer is resounding yes, but it's taken me this long to really reflect on what that means. I think about the times where I may have 'passed out' but was really just half asleep and men feeling me in places that were inappropriate who thought I was asleep. I think about the times that kissing just can't be just kissing and it becomes a huge ordeal of convincing me and sometimes just giving in because I felt I was being lame, prude, or unadventurous. 

But then there were other times, other times maybe less gray. Like when I worked at a restaurant and another co-worker walked into a fridge walk-in after me, assuming they could pick me up and just start kissing me (not in a romantic way). Or the times I've just flat out been pressured by people I'm dating to do things faster or more than I want to, and yes, I've had guys stop seeing me because I wouldn't do what they wanted.

I've gone over these situations in head, and yes, some of them I could have made better decisions, but then I start to think of the situation reversed. While there are men who have been sexually assaulted, it's not nearly as much and it's not a cultural phenomenon. By cultural phenomenon I mean that it's fairly normal for guys to want the chase and make their case for why women should give in. That's pretty normal in guy world. It's partially why I didn't really become upset or question it at the time, I just thought "guys will be guys."

As a mental health professional, I also can't help but psychoanalyze myself and think of the insecure attachment I've developed with men, stemming from my in-and-out of my life alcoholic biological father. This means that whether I realized it or not, (which I didn't), I grew up wanting to feel accepted by men. I wanted their approval, and part of getting that was doing what I thought they wanted. While this is obviously my own issues I have battled with, it makes me sad that our culture perpetuates sex or sexuality with how to gain approval or acceptance from men, especially in the college world.

But really though, we live in a world where the President of the United States can get elected after publicly bragging about sexually assaulting women. Not only is there no criminal repercussions, but he's rewarded with the highest position of power. What the fuck!!!

This is a problem. It's a problem where one person or group of people feel they can outwardly take advantage of other people. It's a problem when one group of people feels so much shame, guilt, and regret for something other people do to them. It's a problem because it ultimately is a reflection of our society today, where one group can oppress, take advantage of, convince them their at fault, etc. to  another group of people without question or consequence. This is systemic issue of privilege and lack of consequences that translates to other issues of race, sexuality, and low-income populations.

I don't want this to be a message that says all men are evil. They're not. And there are lots of other categories of privilege and power that people act on and take advantage of others. But it is definitely something that needs to be heard more because men taking advantage of women happens more than people think, whether it's subtly or overtly. I know I am not an outlier in my personal experiences with men. In fact, I'm probably more middle of the road. I think people are starting to see that now with women coming out and bravely stating 'Me Too.'

So to all of you out there, think about this happening to your family, because it has likely happened to at least one of your family members. Does that make you angry? To anyone who may want to put their sexual wants ahead of someone else's human dignity, would you want that to happen to your sister, to your brother, to your daughter, to your mother?  Me neither. 

#meneither

If Only I Would Stop Talking about Wal-Mart!!

It's that time to make people cringe again! It's time for people to read my blog title and think to themselves, "Oh here Polly goes again."  Well, I wish I would stop talking about the 'W' word as well. I wish I could live in a world where this sort of thing doesn't exist, so I wouldn't have to keep bringing it people's attention, but we do, and Walmart continues to be the biggest culprit.

Here's what I want you to think about while reading this. Let's say you own a business and make $3 million dollars pure profit a year and you have 10 employees. You've been making this profit for the past 10 years and you've paid off your house, your cars, sent your kids to college, you can go on vacation anywhere you want, etc. You have no needs because you've been able to use this money in a way to help you get the life you want. Your business is thriving and your projected profit from the coming years see no sign of dwindling. What if you initially paid your 10 employees $30,000 a year because you needed to make sure your business could stay afloat, but now that you're seeing profits well beyond what you could use it for, would you pay your employees more? Would you see that your employees struggle to make rent, struggle to budget for food, struggle with any unexpected costs and lose sleep over money issues and say, " Eh, they're fine. They don't need to be paid more because that's how capitalism operates. There will always be people who make less and that's how it is!!"  If the answer is no, you wouldn't pay them more, then maybe there's no hope for you anyway, but if the answer is yes, I want you think about this next question in context of my points below. Why do people who make about $50 billion dollars a year refuse to provide reasonable and livable wages for their employees??

Here's the thing, it's hard to resist cheap and convenient, even when you don't necessarily need it to be. I get it. If I were living on $8 an hour and needing to feed my family, I would likely shop at Walmart too. But this is more about bringing awareness to people who don't need to shop at Walmart and how it impacts them negatively whether they realize it or not. This is about bringing to light how consumerism choices affects us either negatively or positively in the long run.

Walmart costs Tax-Payers (Hey that's you!) $7.8 BILLION a year: 
Yes, this is correct, or least correct in the year 2014. Walmart uses many strategies from using government subsidies, cashing in on tax loopholes, avoiding paying taxes, and using money from the government that could be used elsewhere. Walmart actively tries to seek out ways it does not have to pay taxes or that is can benefit off of government funded programs, and guess who pays for all that.... you! It's also true that the very government funded social programs that are intended to help the poor are being used by Walmart employees, about $13.5 billion in food stamps money is given out to Walmart employees. (Please read source below "Walmart on Tax Day." It provides all the numbers you need).

I could use many other statistics and research to point out how much money Walmart is being greedy and avoiding paying the government taxes or using money from the government, but the question remains the same. Why is a top Fortune 500 company profiting billions of dollars each year allowed to use government money to 'help them out' and using up tax money that could be spent on other things. Just think about what an extra $7.8 billion dollars a year could do. One source sites it could hire 105,131 more teachers; and we all know how schools are in need of teachers.... and supplies.....and adequate infrastructure....etc.

I think a lot of people look at their paychecks and think, 'Hey, those Democrats and their social programs and helping people are costing me money.' But what they really need to ask is, how much of these taxes are unnecessary (not helping people) and going toward people who already make billions of dollars? If more people would ask these questions and look into the unnecessary use of tax dollars, they would try to figure out how to stop it.

However, the great thing about capitalism is we can use our individual power of consumerism to send messages to companies, which is why this is so important to me. I can choose not give companies like Walmart money to send a message, and that message for me is: Stop being a greedy dick to your employees and America! Companies respond to bottom lines and decrease in profits, unfortunately, they don't usually respond to pleas of human rights, fairness, and ethics. So if more consumers make it a point to stop shopping at Walmart because they don't like the idea of them taking advantage of the system to the tune of $7.8 billion dollars a year, then maybe Walmart might get the hint. Just maybe they'll start to pay attention to how they treat people and make people pay much more in taxes to benefit the Walden family. And yes, maybe, the world might be just a little bit better because there would be more money for public schools, more people able to afford to go on vacation and reduce stress, more people able to pay for their medical bills.....it goes on and on.

Also, as everyone's attention is likely focused on violence recently as well, I would also briefly like to touch on the correlation between economic injustice and violence. If the 1.5 million workers at Walmart got adequately compensated and were provided benefits, not only would that help out every tax-payer, but would also help those workers not be as stressed, frustrated, angry, and hopeless. That means the less people are likely to act on their frustration. So yes, as a mental health professional I can say that people who get treated like shit, may often treat others like shit. It just makes sense. People who can afford life and have less stress don't usually want to take out their frustrations on others. People who try and try, work over-time, don't have benefits, and who are exploited, tend to get frustrated with the world. Understandably so. So while you may not see how these can be connected and how it might be absurd to connect Walmart's greediness with acts of violence, just think about it more. Think about being stressed day in and day out and how that impacts your decisions and how you might accidentally lash out at someone. So yea, this is also a violence issue too, because if we treat people better and people don't get exploited by billion dollar companies, than yes, the world could be a better place.

As always, I don't get this stuff from thin air. Check out my sources and read up on it yourself. There's always going to be arguments for jobs and economic productivity etc, but really think about my scenario at the beginning. Economic productivity, treating employees fairly, and paying taxes doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. Plenty of companies are profitable while also paying taxes and fair wages, they just aren't AS profitable as Walmart and would be willing to give a few billion out of 50 billion to make sure their employees can eat and afford to live. Wouldn't you?


How to Think About Walmart - The Atlantic

Walmart on Tax Day - Americans for Tax Fairness

I Work for $8.25 at Walmart, What Would You Like to Know? - The Guardian

As Wal-Mart Blitzes Internet Retail, Debate Rages over Company's impact on US wages - CNBC

If Only People Knew Why I'm a Vegetarian

One of the most common questions that I get is, "So what made you decide to become a vegetarian?" While this is a great question to help me chat my way through parties, I really do wish people already knew why. Not because I expect people to know details about me, but because I hope that people already knew the health, environmental, and other detrimental impacts of our food system. I get the sense, however, a lot of people don't quite understand the full motivations behind vegetarianism. Many times I wish I had an eloquent response that really helps people gain understanding to this issue, but I usually end up saying something about being healthy and having a love for animals. This is of course true, however, there's so much more to it than that, which I plan to outline in specific points below.

Also, this topic is particularly important to understand in this political climate because it's one of the only ways to help impact actual change. I care about people's health. I care about the environment. I care about big business using money bottom lines to dictate how my food is produced and distributed. And, of course, I care about how animals are treated!! With our current President wanting to cut funding for the environment and health, I can use the consumer power of supply and demand to create real impact.

I also want to note that that this isn't supposed to be a 'You Should' article. Information is power. The more people understand about a topic, the more they can make informed decisions. I don't expect people to already know everything about this topic or to change their whole lifestyle overnight. I understand there are budgets and convenience to consider. I just want to help give people more information. Information that may help themselves, and the world. So without further ado, here's my reasons.

1) Health 

A lot of people by now have likely heard that meat is bad for your health, however, let me just reiterate the known correlations of eating meat and health issues. Many evidence based studies show eating meat on a regular basis increases risk for Type 11 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, certain cancers, and decreased lifespan. Also a lot of people aren't aware of the reversible characteristics of maintaining a plant-based diet. Not only is a plant-based diet preventative of certain diseases, it has been shown to actually reverse certain diagnosis, such as heart disease and diabetes. Of course there are many other factors that influence health, but with the strong correlations between meat eating and disease, I want to give myself the best chance to live a long healthy life.

National Institutes of Health
One Green Planet
Huffington Post

Or watch 'Forks over Knives' on Netflix

2) Water Consumption
Water consumption is something I believe is going to have to be regulated within my lifetime. Plain and simple, meat and dairy products use loads more water than other foods. Water is something we can't live without and one way or another, we will have to watch how much water we use. One of the best ways to save water is to know how much water it takes to produce the food we consume, and yes, meat and dairy production appears to be the biggest offender.

One Green Planet

3) The Environment

This is the answer I wish I could expound upon more in person. Switching to a plant-based diet is hands-down the best way to address issues with climate change. There is a lot of research about this that demonstrates the correlation between the meat industry and pollution, high energy consumption, destruction of forests, and production of methane gases. Consuming less meat means consuming less water, energy, and resources in general. Consuming less meat actually has more impact than trying to combat transportation and home energy changes. Many people don't actually know about this though because a lot of our politicians and researchers eat meat and are connected to agribusiness and are less inclined to site these facts due to monetary connections.

Scientific American
Time

4) Taking Back our Food System  
As I mentioned above, people connected to agribusiness are less inclined to mention that meat is bad, in any form. That's because, like any capitalist run industry, the meat industry is a business with money as a bottom line. The people who run that business don't want people to know how bad it for you and for the environment. Just like other businesses, agribusiness want more production with fewer costs. This, of course, results in poorer quality food and awful working conditions. People who work in the meat packing industry often work in unsafe conditions, get paid minimally, and are expected to work long hours in harsh conditions. Because of these conditions, many workers are often immigrants that we take advantage of. If we wanted all Americans to have these jobs, I guarantee you the price of meat would increase due to the the increase in pay and standards they would have to implement.

Sustainable Table

5) Animals of Course! 
Listen, I know everyone's heard PETA make people feel bad for animal cruelty. But really, the logic of being best friends with some animals then slitting the throats and torturing others, is just off. Pigs are just like dogs, just without the fur, if you give them the chance. Goats are playful and cuddle. There's even some research showing that cows respond to music and it can help them produce more milk! Even if you don't feel like being a vegetarian is for you, you can at least promote humane ways of raising animals and killing them. Just like your dog and cat has feelings, other animals have awareness and feelings too.

National Geographic
NPR


There'a a lot of information out there and keep in mind people have a lot of agendas, but please try to educate yourself about this issue and know your sources of information. I tried to include links of credible sources that have real studies cited in them for anyone to look and explore the information for themselves.

Lastly, I hope no one will continue to say "If I knew about how food was made, it would ruin my meal, so therefore I don't want to know about it." Seriously....that's the point. At some point, people need to know what they are putting into their bodies and how that's impacting the world. Food is not supposed to be consumed and produced like this, and I guarantee if people knew what was happening, it wouldn't be happening. Watch documentaries. Read books. Just be aware. Because whether you like it or not, this affects everyone.

If Only People Thought About What it's Like to be in 'Her' Shoes

This post is not going to be about how women get paid less, are undervalued, aren't taken as seriously, etc. This post is about looking at a particular experience that only a woman can experience and, I guarantee you, no woman wants to go through. Yes I'm talking about the 'A' word: Abortion. This topic makes people's blood boil. It makes people yell, scream, and treat other people like they are the worst person they've met. Yet, it keeps coming up. Why? Because it's complex, it's complicated, and it's important.

People talk about abortion as right vs wrong, and rarely about the actual human experience it takes to get to that point. To help people really think about this experience, I want to discuss two particular points that I don't often see discussed. The first point is that it takes more than just a 'bad decision' to get to this point and absolutely no woman wants to be in this situation. The second point is that the more you invest in pregnancy prevention, i.e. birth control and the facilities that disperse those (PLANNED PARENTHOOD), less abortions will occur.

Let's talk about the first point by using a common experience. Imagine you're 17 again, and  if you're male, I'm going to try to explain what it feels like to be a 17 year-old female. There are some universal truths and emotions that most women experience and contribute to their sexual development. Some of these are guilt, shame, confusion, responding to society suddenly noticing or judging your sexuality, hormones, and trying to become an independent person. This is a lot for anyone to handle, but when you're young, inexperienced, and trying to adjust to all of this, it is hard to see through all the fog. Girls may become sexually involved just by feeling overwhelmed and trying to fulfill the many roles they are trying to be at once. For instance, the pressure to stay 'pure' but still feminine and sexual is a common experience that can create emotional distress. There's also other factors like the fact that your parents want you to know nothing about sex or the normal hormonal experiences that every teenager goes through. Or, that your body feels different and there are things happening that you have little experience trying to control. Or, that you're being judged on clothes you wear, your attitude, etc that puts you in a certain sexual category by your peers, whether it's accurate or not.

All of these factors not only impact women's decision whether or not to have sex, but also how well they're prepared for the consequences of sex. It's a common experience for teenagers to feel so overwhelmed by the many directions they are being pulled, that they may end up making an impulsive decision, which often means sex. At the end of day, a lot of teenagers are having sex and are having 'uneducated' sex. and society has not properly prepared people for this important life experience.

If you're lucky, you don't end up with the worst possible outcome, becoming pregnant. If, however, you're faced with the unfortunate outcome of pregnancy, your role as woman is suddenly boiled down to two categories; one who has an abortion or one who doesn't. If you choose to continue the pregnancy, you risk raising a child with limited resources, limited opportunities, and with a lot of emotional stress. If, however, you decide to exercise your legal right to terminate the pregnancy in order to invest in yourself and plan accordingly for raising a child, you're labeled as evil, selfish, and 'unchristian.' Either way, it is not an easy decision and it is one that men and some women have no idea what it's like to make, yet, they want to tell you why you made the wrong decision. Even though many young teenagers make the same decision to have 'unsafe' (or uneducated) sex, it seems society only 'punishes' the ones who become pregnant and it is the girl who has to experience the gut-wrenching, emotionally charged, awful experience of going through that process.

That finally brings me to the second point, people need access to proper sexual education and birth control. Unintended pregnancy is something that happens way too often when it is easily preventable. If, however, we really invested in both sexual education and women's health centers, it would ACTUALLY prevent more people from having to experience the trauma of becoming pregnant and not knowing what to do. This means supporting government funding for women's health centers. It means supporting health care initiatives to provide free birth control. It means allowing schools to provide proper and thorough sexual health education. It means accepting that you can't control everyone's behavior, but you can provide resources for people to make safe and healthy decisions.

I guarantee you that any young pregnant woman would want to go back and make a better choice, to either wait or become truly educated about effective birth control. But that's the thing, you can't go back. While there's a lot of people who get away with unprotected sex, some people don't and now their whole life is under scrutiny.

So, the next time you or someone you know portrays someone as 'evil' or 'selfish' for having an abortion, think about what they as a human being are experiencing. Think about how society has contributed to this pregnancy by the lack of education and resources. Think about if society labeled you as evil after an impulsive or uneducated decision you made when you were young. Think about the intense emotional stress a woman experiences just by being pregnant, but also knowing her decision will result in negative consequences either way. Then, maybe just then, people will know what it's like to be in 'her' shoes. Maybe then people won't be so quick to judge and dictate other people's lives.

No one can stop people from having sex, but by using support instead of hate, you can help people from becoming unintentionally pregnant, and thus, help prevent abortion.

If Only We Paid More Attention

Let me first start out by saying I'm worried. I'm worried about the future of America and what seems to be the lack of attention that is paid to important issues. I'm worried people seem to have a tendency to not seek information due to what they would find out; that a lot of things are just plain messed up in our society. I wanted to try and address important topics and create a blog that addresses these issues by trying to get people to think about the how, why, and  the 'what could be' with certain social issues. 

I'm passionate about a lot of common social issues, and some not so common, but I'll start off by discussing a pattern I've noticed that does not sit well with me; ignorance. People tend to ignore things that are uncomfortable, that are inconvenient, that are different, and that don't apply to themselves. Now, I'm not trying to play the blame game, as I myself am guilty of doing this. I know it's hard to think about issues that may not impact me directly, but as a social worker, I have found that the majority of important issues will impact most people either directly or indirectly without people recognizing this. 

This habit of not paying attention is not doing any good. I guarantee that if everyone paid more attention and educated themselves on a variety of issues that our society would be a lot different. We'd probably have different government officials, a different food production system, different energy consumption, and different views of what people should receive as basic rights. 

Thus, I will dedicate the rest of the blogs to expounding upon key issues that I view more people should pay more attention to. I hope to use my personal and professional experience to provide a view people may not have thought of and allow people to think about what could potentially happen if only certain things happened. That being said, this blog may annoy people, it may make people cringe, it may cause unwell feelings toward me, but hopefully, this is a blog that will make you think. Cheers!